Helping your child through self harm and suicide. Finding out your child has began to self harm or both considered and attempted suicide is every parent and guardian’s nightmare. The signs are not always loud and clear, nor parent brochure obvious… via #AntiSex


Helping your child through self harm and suicide.

Finding out your child has began to self harm or both considered and attempted suicide is every parent and guardian’s nightmare.

The signs are not always loud and clear, nor parent brochure obvious, but once they are there, they are permanent in one form or another.

It’s extremely important you treat your child’s mental health in the present moment, their condition will vary from moment to moment. Because their feelings about themselves and the world, will vary from moment to moment.

It will be a long road to recovery that will require an ocean of patience from you, and you may not be sure you have it, in a give a pill quick and fix it over night world, your child’s safety is more important than a quick fix excuse to band aid the situation.

Just because your child tells you they are fine, looks fine, and seem to be back to their normal day to day routines, it does not mean they are magically fixed.

Your child, like you would do for them, will force a fake smile and pretend nothing is wrong because they are the social expectation norms.

If your child is not fine, they do not have to hide it for social protocol, internalising everything so far has led to their self harm, and being expected to keep doing it because of the fear of what other people will think does not help them. Their faking it til they make it on the hope their internal fragility changes didn’t work, and their outlet became self harm.

DO NOT, make it about you (if it is about you it will eventually surface and be dealt with accordingly), by being distracted with thoughts you failed as a parent, neglected them by working too much, pushing them academically too hard, at sports, at after school activities, or just plain pushing them to attempt some unattainable image of perfection in general.

ITS NOT ABOUT YOU. Your child’s problems are theirs, and if you contributed in part, directly or indirectly to those problems, it is not the time to dwell, it’s time to be there for them physically, emotionally and psychologically present.

ITS NOT ABOUT YOU. Your child has attempted to handle their problems as best they can, with what they currently have as tools to deal with life, They do not need your judgement, of what you, with your adult experience and authority they do not have, would do in their situation.

Be it issues with bullying, relationship problems, friendships, their academic performance, study stress, physiological, hormonal, self esteem or direct trauma.
The big question, “WHY DID YOU DO IT?” can wait. More than likely, your child has asked themselves that question and struggled to understand their actions themselves.

The reality is they did it as an outlet to their inability to have a more relevant outlet to vent their frustration, sense of hopelessness and lack of control in dealing with their issues.

Their support networks may be limited to friends who are not emotionally or psychologically prepared for the issues they face.

Not all children have grown up with a parent who has nurtured a well established connection that they can easily verbalise. They have their reasons for wanting to keep their problems to themselves by trying to be self responsible, or merely just out of loyalty.

Teenagers will feel things stronger than we would as parents, not just because of their hormones, let’s not be that kind of adult that blames everything on hormones. Children lately are being born with a stronger sense of compassion and empathy, and find it difficult to filter how they feel about people and the world around them. They will care too much, or shut down completely and avoid caring even about themselves.

Should you fill in your family and friends about your child’s disposition and event, please be sure to first inform your child, let your child know that you prefer everyone know about it at once, so everyone can give your child space, mostly to forewarn everyone that your child does not need their two cents of should have, could have, would have. Be sure to cut everyone short by telling them your child does not need their pity, advice, nor scrutiny and judgement.

Your child’s safety and wellbeing is far more important than your friends and family’s opinion about a subject they will never understand.

The reality is, You, like them, are not your child, no two people will ever experience life in the same way, and experience pain or other emotions in the exact same way. Your child will need time to process everything just like you will, so family and friends will need to know the process of your child getting back to their own selves may take years, their patience will be appreciated, and if they do not have the patience, nor the understanding in the matter, you will appreciate them staying away from you and your child while your child strengthens again. The last thing your child needs is your family and friends subjecting them to uncomfortable encounters that may trigger them back to such a low point.

Your child will struggle through therapies and counseling, they will range from feeling betrayed they were forced to be expected to open up to a stranger while they struggle to open up to themselves. Or they will be on a constant loop of doing well, and finding everything a challenge.

Like us, they will have their good days and bad. Talking to your child about it will be YOUR challenge, the conversation will more than likely never come easily, and more than likely they will prefer to avoid it with you and anyone else. You know it’s not going well when the answer to every question is “fine” or “good” as that gives you no insightful information.

Ask them relevant things they will be more open to speaking about, like, Who are the teachers they like or don’t like? Who makes them laugh? What sort of things do they find funny? Do not just come out and ask them as interrogation, they will shut down and you do not want that.

Be a parent who shares without sharing burden, share your work story of how Jane doe from from the worksite brought flowers from her garden for the office, or how john doe from reception told you a joke worth sharing that actually wasn’t degrading of gender and intelligent. Rolemodel your sharing of your day in a way your child will feel open to sharing theirs.

You cannot expect your child to give you that which you do not give them. So give them your attention, even if it is limited on how. Watch their silly, funny video with them, listen to them ramble on forever about their day in the roundabout loop way they tend to do, just be present, your presence and your being present through all of their feelings and emotions is what they need from you the most. They need you when they are happy and sad, angry or frustrated, not just when they are happy.

Keep an eye on their eating habits without judgement, this may be insight on how they may be dealing with life, your child will not starve to death or engorge themselves into a coma before your eyes, but that will be a sign on how they are dealing without having to verbalize it.

Be realistic, just like you, your child does not have to be flashing a constant smile to be happy. They just need to be supported in being able to feel every range of emotion they carry, they are truly entitled to express their feelings, as long as they do not hurt themselves or others with them.

You may find you no longer know your child, they will be a young person that has grown in a different direction. This is normal, your child is an individual. You have two choices in that regard. Accept your child is no longer the child image you have held in your mind while they grew up, and get to know them again. Or, Accept you need to change your attitude towards your child, who is growing and not in the way you mapped or hoped for them.

This is your test as a parent of loving them unconditionally, and not just loving them when they meet your conditions and prerequisites, they are young individuals, not your subject to control with blind obedience. They are allowed to fall down, and take their time in getting back up, even if fully getting back up takes years.

Our world is a place that constantly pokes holes through our children’s self esteem and self worth from too many directions, it becomes a parents challenge to fill their emotional bucket high enough for them to not be so constantly drained.

Whether you have seen your family Dr, or already had the dreaded Hospital situation with your child, be it you took them or found out the hard way, you will be given a mental health plan individual to your child’s condition, situation or needs.

This plan may range from an intervention at school that requires your child get a hall pass when they are not handling their day so they can see the school counselor immediately, a support person at school, or just some fresh air to get through the day when their anxiety has overwhelmed them, without having to be questioned each and every time.

Be prepared for a roller coaster of emotions your child will find difficult, just remember it’s all normal, do not make it about you. Please, never ever, compare, ever, in particular never compare them to a toddler or someone else, that’s not helpful, you may make your reality worse.

Prevent and avoid any and all physical confrontations, allow your child their space, turning it into a physical altercation will only inadvertently hurt them in more ways than you can see, if you need help talking your child down from a physical altercation, seek help, your child is hurt enough, there is no need to add to it and making it worse. Their counselor outside of school if they are referred, will also instruct you on how to tread.

Not all children need antidepressants, at their young age, it is not yet properly researched how such chemicals will drastically change your child’s brain chemistry, the side effects may be risky, so do not push to have your child medicated for a quick fix, alternatives are available.

They may just need a change of pace, a change of establishment, such as a new school or new attitude from those around them. Supporting your child through empowerment by taking up a self defense discipline, meditation or yoga, activities that require they have some time to slow down from life and just exist without expectations.

You may be advised to lock away sharp instruments, all medications, chemicals and alcohol in the house. When this happens, reassure your child it IS NOT a trust issue, it is a temptation issue should they find themselves in an impulsive anxiety, temptation is removed for their safety and to be able to exercise their free will to deal with the situation themselves, without so much pressure.

The important thing here is your child can understand and feel they are important, that they matter, they are not alone in the world no matter how hollow they mostly feel and that when they hurt themselves, everyone else around them will feel it.

Here are some points to remember while your child is going through this
* Your child’s mental health is more important than their grades. A hurt or dead child is not the goal.

* You will go through your own rainbow of emotions yourself, look out for yourself also, remember the saying of not being able to pour from an empty cup.

* Let your child grow up at their own rate.

* Ask for help, parents also need support in helping their children. Don’t expect your child to ask you when they have never seen you ask.

* Do not request from your child what you cannot give them, be that attention, presence or non judgemental communication.

* You will need positive reassurance, so you can deliver the same reassurance for your child.

* You will get through this, you have already chosen to support your child, that is the best start.

* Do not be hard on yourself and your child will not be hard on themselves either.

Some helpful numbers to keep stuck to the fridge not just for your child, but for yourself.

State crisis Numbers
NSW – 1800 011 511- Mental Health Line

VIC – 1300 651 251 – Suicide Help Line

QLD – 13 43 25 84 – 13 HEALTH

TAS – 1800 332 388 – Mental Health Services Helpline

SA – 13 14 65 – Mental Health Assessment and Crisis Intervention Service

WA – Mental Health Emergency Response Line
1800 048 636 (ART)
1300 555 788 (Metro)
1800 676 822 (PEEL)

NT – 1800 682 288 (Mental Health Line) – The Mental Health Line is a free and confidential 24-hour hotline for mental health inquiries from anyone experiencing a mental health crisis or concerned about someone’s well being.

ACT – 1800 629 354 – Mental Health Triage Service

LGBTQI support services – www.au.reachout.com – Online support and guidance with matters or orientation.

ATAPS – Access to Allied psychological services – Mental health professionals who deliver focused psychological strategies services Australia wide through the department of health, accessible through your local GP.

Lifeline
13 11 14 – www.lifeline.org.au – A crisis support and suicide prevention service for all Australians.

Suicide Call Back Service
1300 659 467 – www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au – A free service for people who are suicidal, caring for someone who is suicidal, bereaved by suicide or are health professionals supporting people affected by suicide.

Kids Help Line
1800 55 1800 – www.kidshelpline.com.au – A counselling service specifically for young people aged between 5 and 25.

*If you are unable to reach one service, feel free to try another until you can speak to someone right away, keep insisting until you do.
(CU)

#FACAA #ProudFACAA #Suicide #SelfHarm #EducationalPost #Knowledge #KnowledgeYouNeed #PleaseShare #GuardiansOfTheINNOCENT #VoiceForTheVoiceless #HopeForTheHopeless #ChildrensChampions #EndingChildAbuse #RaisingAwareness #ChangingLives #HealingSurvivors #ChangingLaws #Law #LegalReform #JuliasJustice #WeWillFight #StandUp #KidsLivesMatter




AntiSource

Lesson learned. “Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you’ll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others.” Facts don’t cease to exist just because they are ignored and denied by many. A person might be a blood relatio… via #AntiSex


Lesson learned. “Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you’ll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others.”
Facts don’t cease to exist just because they are ignored and denied by many. A person might be a blood relation but that doesn’t mean he or she deserves to be in you life.
As the adult incest survivor I wish that I didn’t have to deal with the painful reality of my own incest family history, a truth that has been covered up by them since before my birth, unfortunately until we all speak up and start to work together to heal each other, the future for our children, and their children’s children will continue to pay the price for many generations to come.
To read more go to: Authors Pages: http://members.westnet.com.au/cristina.m/index.html
Life commends our Respect, and our Soul Dignity, never settle or accept anything less. I am an Adult-Incest-Survivor-Author-Advocate and the Founder of Cristina’s House of Hope. CHOH WebPages: http://www.cristinashouseofhope.com.au/




AntiSource

Lesson learned. Gossip dies when it hits a wise person’s ears. When people believe the hearsay, half-truth, gossip and lies that others tell when they talk about the gossip they’ve heard from your enemies then they are not the kind of people you woul… via #AntiSex


Lesson learned. Gossip dies when it hits a wise person’s ears. When people believe the hearsay, half-truth, gossip and lies that others tell when they talk about the gossip they’ve heard from your enemies then they are not the kind of people you would ever want in your life, let alone call them your friends.
The people who attack you and spread gossip about you are those who continue to cover up their own ugly past family history, and each day they choose to live in fear of their own suppressed childhood memories.
To read more go to: Authors Pages: http://members.westnet.com.au/cristina.m/index.html
Life commends our Respect, and our Soul Dignity, never settle or accept anything less. I am an Adult-Incest-Survivor-Author-Advocate and the Founder of Cristina’s House of Hope. CHOH WebPages: http://www.cristinashouseofhope.com.au/




AntiSource

Lesson learned. “There Is A Battle Of Two Wolves Inside Us All. One is evil. It is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, lies, inferiority and ego. The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy and truth. The wolf that wi… via #AntiSex


Lesson learned. “There Is A Battle Of Two Wolves Inside Us All. One is evil. It is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, lies, inferiority and ego. The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy and truth. The wolf that wins… is the one you feed.”
To read more go to: Authors Pages: http://members.westnet.com.au/cristina.m/index.html
Life commends our Respect, and our Soul Dignity, never settle or accept anything less. I am an Adult-Incest-Survivor-Author-Advocate and the Founder of Cristina’s House of Hope. CHOH WebPages: http://www.cristinashouseofhope.com.au/




AntiSource

Please Note: We are not about numbers, nor playing games, the work we do here is to raise awareness of the plight of adult survivors, but mostly its about people feeling safe while sharing our truth, if you can’t deal with the real life issues of chi… via #AntiSex


Please Note: We are not about numbers, nor playing games, the work we do here is to raise awareness of the plight of adult survivors, but mostly its about people feeling safe while sharing our truth, if you can’t deal with the real life issues of child sexual abuse, incest, sibling sexual abuse, rape, porn, and domestic violence, then please leave, we don’t force anyone to be here…
We are all at different stages of our life journey, all fighting a different battle to survive, but we are one, all part of the same war fighting to help to put an end to child sexual abuse, the injustice in our court and the corruption in the law system. What we do here and what we stand up for is the painful reality of our own life struggles on this journey of self-discovery, as adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse, we know that after speaking up there is no going back.
To read more go to: Authors Pages: http://members.westnet.com.au/cristina.m/index.html
Life commends our Respect, and our Soul Dignity, never settle or accept anything less. I am an Adult-Incest-Survivor-Author-Advocate and the Founder of Cristina’s House of Hope. CHOH WebPages: http://www.cristinashouseofhope.com.au/




AntiSource

Know your worth and never accept anything less than you deserve ! Sadly, many abuse survivors are left with low self esteem and feelings of guilt and shame. Abusers foster these feelings and then exploit them to help conceal their crimes and to all… via #AntiSex


Know your worth and never accept anything less than you deserve !

Sadly, many abuse survivors are left with low self esteem and feelings of guilt and shame. Abusers foster these feelings and then exploit them to help conceal their crimes and to allow them to continue to commit their heinous acts unreported.

All abuse can severely lower the self esteem of a survivor, the misplaced guilt and shame often left with survivors of all forms of abuse, can affect our feelings of self worth and self esteem. Depression, that so often ensues, can leave us feeling like we are trapped in a black hole, from which we can’t escape. These negative feelings and lack of self worth can result in us being caught in a cycle of inaction and a belief that we deserve no better. This inaction and sometimes self medication with drugs and alcohol can lead to lowered lifestyle options, which can further impact the self esteem of survivors.

This vicious cycle, can leave abuse survivors emotionally scarred and sadly believing these feelings of worthlessness. Low self esteem is one of the more common and destructive side effects of abuse.

But just like the other lies the abuser told you, it’s all a huge load of absolute rubbish ! The fact is, as a survivor of abuse you have been through an unimaginable hell and you SURVIVED….you’re stronger than anyone knows, yourself included !

You have endured a torment that most will never know and you have come through the other side, doing a lot better than you may think. I’m willing to bet you have a place to live and food to eat. Well that puts you ahead of the vast majority of people on this planet straight away. (sad, but true).

I guarantee you have people in your life who see you for the amazing person you are, who love you and would do anything to help you. I know you are compassionate and care about other people or else you wouldn’t be reading a FACAA post.

And because you are reading this post, I know you have access to the internet, a wealth of knowledge and opportunities, all of which you deserve. You are passionate for legal changes that will see future generations of children safe from the abuse you endured, which goes to show you are a person who is capable of endless care and concern for others, maybe it’s time you gave some of that to yourself.

I’m willing to bet you’ve shared a FACAA post or two, well right there is another big positive, you have used your social media pages to help make the world a better place and you have our gratitude, because without people like you, we wouldn’t be able to do the work we do.

I could be here all day listing things I bet you’ve done, that make you a good person but I’m also willing to bet it won’t help, no matter how many good acts I name you will still tell me that you are not worth worrying about, you do not deserve love or a good life.

Sorry to tell you, but that’s your abuser talking. Your abuser wants you beaten down, they want you hating yourself, they want you to think you deserve the hell they put you through, because that way they don’t have to take responsibility for their actions, or heaven forbid, feel bad…. because they don’t feel guilty for what they did to you. If you are saying you deserved it, then they are sure as hell, off the hook, right ?

WRONG ! That’s called grooming and it’s one of the main weapons child abusers use. No matter what form of abuse you endured, there would be a type of grooming where you were actively targeted and had your self esteem and self confidence deliberately eroded away.

So isn’t it about time to kick your abuser out of your head, once and for all? Isn’t it time to permanently cut all ties with your abuser ? Shouldn’t you once and for all kick them out of your head, where they have been living rent free for so long now ?

Your time is now ! Do it ! cut the ties, realize your value, calculate your worth and then once you know it, never, ever again, accept anything less !

If you’re having trouble seeing your value, or seeing your good points, ask a friend and truly listen to what they say. If you know me, feel free to comment here asking me about your good points and I’d be happy to list them. Realize that you are a strong person with incredible resilience, who is fully deserving of love and all the good things life has to offer.

More than that, realize that you are NOT what your abuser said you were, you are NOT to blame for their actions.
You should not feel guilt or shame for what was done to you, or how it impacted on your family and friends.
You are not a broken child, you are a strong, resilient survivor, you are NOT someone that deserves to be hurt or deserves to be walked over, you are someone who deserves good friends, deserves a good job, deserves to be properly paid for your time, someone who’s talents will be recognized and appreciated, and you deserve love and respect from others, but most importantly from yourself.

Time to realize your worth, time to once and for all take the power that you deserve, back from your abusers. You are in control of your life, you make it happen and you can and will, get all that you deserve and much much more ! (A)

#Facaa #ProudFacaa #SissyThisOnesForYou #SissySmash #Pride #Value #Depression #Abuse #ChildAbuse #DomesticViolence #DV #BlackDog #Fighters #KnowYourWorth #NotWhatTheySayYouAre #StandUp #BeHeard #MyTime #MyVoice #IWillBeHeard #BeProud #BetterThanThat #GuardiansOfTheInnocent #RentFreeInYourHead #VoiceForTheVoiceless #FromHellWeRise




AntiSource

“We owe our children the most vulnerable citizens in our society, a life free of violence and fear.” Nelson Mandela It’s time we accept responsibility that we fail to protect children, and the evidence of the physical, social, psychological and spir… via #AntiSex


“We owe our children the most vulnerable citizens in our society, a life free of violence and fear.” Nelson Mandela
It’s time we accept responsibility that we fail to protect children, and the evidence of the physical, social, psychological and spiritual damage done to children is evident in our society and will take years to heal, while many remain broken adult-children.
It’s our moral, legal and ethical duty of care to protect the next generation of children, we must speak up and fight united in one voice to protect all children, because the truth is, that 1 in 3 girls, and 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused before the age of eighteen.
To read more go to: Authors Pages: http://members.westnet.com.au/cristina.m/index.html
Life commends our Respect, and our Soul Dignity, never settle or accept anything less. I am an Adult-Incest-Survivor-Author-Advocate and the Founder of Cristina’s House of Hope. CHOH WebPages: http://www.cristinashouseofhope.com.au/




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